Don't worry,
you'll be in my New Year's Resolution.
i assure you that.
and from that moment on,

puff!

* -bEm-*

when you're gone the pieces of my heart are missing you
when you're gone the face i came to know is missing too
when you're gone all the words i need to hear to always get me through the day
and make it ok
i miss you...

damn.

Dreams are the fulfillment of the unfulfilled desires of a human heart.

and yeah, i'm dreaming of you.
but it's better this way, right?

better than seeing nothing at all.
better than being a blind fool.

but you know, i just realized,
dreaming without deed is a fool's work.
tends not to make things to become real,
leaving things just as they are.
dreams.
false hope, eh?
yeah, i guess so.

well, i don't need the electric fan to feel the chill coming from the aircon
to make the cold sink in.
i need a blanket,
no, a bunch of blankets.
make it a dozen with polka dots and rainbows and butterflies
i want my metamorphosis.
get it?


guess I'm always a fool after all.

* -bEm-*

Merry Christmas!

nah, just the usual stuff.
kinda tired from school.
gipamaol.yet i'm a bit ready for a choral battle!
hahaha...practice for the choral presentation na naman...
and tomorrow's a total disaster!
why?
dancing!in front of the PTA and school!
this is kinda challenging...but i'm going to take it!
wish me luck!

i did it.
1st place.

* -bEm-*

I almost screwed...
exams!
great. epistaxis.
but it's a relief our exams are now done.

i went to SM yesterday and it was totally crowded.
and again, GREAT! i saw my newest crush.
i don't know if you call that crush...
i just think he's cute.
haha, and he teased me, alright.
and i'm a mirror, ok. his teases backfired.
LOL..

Il dolore è troppo, che non è male.
Mi sento stupido. E senza vita.
The pain is too much, that it does not hurt.
I feel dumb. And lifeless.

bloody hell.
haha... senti.

but c'mon.
i shouldn't have allowed that 'revelation' to
take its toll on me.
i didn't realize it at first but...
why did it bloom like a cherry blossom
in chilly, lonesome winter?
How foolish of me.
i must be crazy,
illiterate,
a dweeb.
a careless, impetuous girl.
simply stupid.
love...

but I'm getting rid of him.
i AM letting go.
Moving on is within grasp.
Just a few more time.
a few more days.
i know im strong.
i am in control.
i have disciplined my mind.
... mind over heart, they say.
but when Cupid's arrow have pierced me,
i was cornered.
but i had a choice.
i always have.
and my choice
is not to cower on the corner and
be swallowed by his enticing gestures,
but to run.
and leave.
and never come back.
And i'm telling you,
i'm going home.


but i cannot say the word yet...
this choice of letting go of the strings is within me
but i can't utter it yet.
i'm waiting for the right time.
but i will never let HIM know
that it's him i'm letting go...

Waiting is the sweetest agony...
A broken heart is not the most painful thing.
It is FALSE HOPE,
awakened by the most painful truth.
and betrayal...



what if one day you'd realize
that you're falling on the wrong guy?
what would you do?
me?
i'll sleep.
i'll sleep him good night.
and i'll wish that when i wake up,
i'll have sore eyes.

* -bEm-*

Setting: Classroom. Everything was in slovenly disarray. Professor sits rather comfortably on a chair beside the wall, his feet placed on the armchair. Writer stands beside the door, leaning, with her arms across her chest. It's her birthday.

Writer: Hey Prof!
Prof: (raises his head) What?
Writer: Are you going out this lunch?
Prof: Yeah. I'll be eating outside. Why?
Writer: Can I ask for a favor?
Prof: Favor? What is it?
Writer: Can you buy me Swirly Bits*?
Prof: ...?
Writer: I haven't treated you years ago, remember? It's time for me to treat you exactly on the same day. Mamawi ko.
Prof: (looks at Writer for a moment then turns away) Ha...? Ayaw lang uie. I'll pity you.
Writer: (stares at Prof in disbelief) Oh ok. It's up to you. Librehan nuon, nya di gusto. Ikaw gud. (turns away from Prof, leaning her head on the door with a heavy heart, understanding what was just said.)

*food name changed

setting: Computer lab. Writer and Professor are alone in a column of computers and are beside each other, consistently glancing at each other's work as everybody else in the class work on their own.

Prof: Can you still read the board?
Writer: Nope. It's blurred.
Prof: Oh poor you.
Writer: yeah. so can you let me copy from your computer?
Prof. you're copying now.
Writer: (laughs) Right. (silence) now what is going on?
Prof: what?
Writer: look at this. something is wrong with this line. i can't see my output!
Prof: (checks) Yup. something is not right.
Writer: hey, why can't i have that webpage? it doesn't appear at all!
Prof: (looks at Writer's computer then back to his) oh-oh. Mine too!
Writer: oh c'mon! why can't i remember anything? (pokes her head hard) i was the one who did our last practical first and then i forgot everything!! how ironic! now what should we do?
Prof: (shrugs) dunno. mine doesn't appear either. you better check again.
Writer: (covers her face with her hands, then grips her hair) what's happening to me? What should I do...? I forgot... i forgot...
Prof: (turns back to his computer and said straight-faced) Now the real ****** has finally come back.
Writer: (stops short) what? ... (releases her hair) What do you mean? Well, I'm the real ******. what are you talking about?
Prof: Welcome back.
Writer: (looks at Prof quizzically) What do you mean...? I don't understand...
Prof: Don't bother. Just understand it.
Writer: ...?

the computer teacher is now standing behind the Writer. and the Writer asked no more.

ok, now is my birthday, December 7. And i thank God for everything.
My sister first greeted me. (last year, she greeted me three days after. wahaha... but it's all ready done. i forgave her na.)
Well, wish no. ten happened. And thanks to my ever dearest closest circle of friends. they have been there for me and with the pressure all day because of the exams, at the end of the day, they surprised me with a Christmas wrapped gift containing a very nice yet durable violet slippers from Reva, a golden dotted pouch, and hankies! And then a mocha cake from Anita's! wow, yeah!
i treated them Jobi... just burger and rocky road sundae.
and here's the funny part: Mamaw was with us!
It was a surprise. And it was so fun that i didn't notice that time has flown so fast!

Happy 16th birthday to me!